Super-Gross... Super-Duper-Gross

Oh, and don't worry I attached a photo for added gross-ness. Seriously. This is a doozy, grab your throw-up bucket and enjoy the nasty ride (did you guys have a "throw-up bucket growing up? We did, a designated bucket- well, pitcher- that you were lucky enough to carry around, all day when you weren't feelin' quite right...).

If you are still reading, thanks. Glad you could join me. If you are on your way out, well I don't blame you. You, my fallen readers, are smart.

We have lived in our house for 6 years. We have never, ever had much of a bug problem. We rarely spray, and we rarely see any bugs, dead or alive. We hear summer time in Arizona in when it gets bad. All the bugs come in from the heat and try to make new homes, in my home. How dare they, right?

We don't have just any bugs at our house this summer. We have everybody's favorite...the cockroach. Just the name sounds gross and dirty. I tried to spray them once and it was as if I sprayed sugar water all over my floor, they came running and never died. Not even a little. I don't even know, do cockroaches like sugar water? Or is that something I learned from the gigantic alien cockroach in Men In Black? Well, whatever it was, they seemed to like it.

My kids don't like bugs much. Can you blame them? They are gross. So one day Calvin is walking into his room and spots a cockroach. It is belly-up but still shaking his legs all over. Calvin FREAKS, I run to see what the heck is going on and just as Sunny spots him and starts running, she gives him a little nudge, he flips over and makes a run for it. Calvin and Sunny freak- again- and jump and sink their claws into the ceiling and hold on for dear life. I run around looking for a shoe, or anything, to throw at it and out of NOWHERE Finn comes crawling...FAST... and grabs the cockroach and as I am screaming NOOOOOOOOOO and running (in slow motion) toward him, he shoves it in his mouth. What do I do? I panic, if I reach in and get it, there is a good chance I will have to grab a real-life cockroach. How can I save Finn without touching a cockroach? I mean, really is it soooo bad for him to eat? They eat them on Fear Factor all the time? So I do what any good mother would do. I turn him upside down and start shaking (gently, don't worry). It worked. Sorta. Out comes the cockroach. Well half of it. I reached in and there was no sign of the tail end. Just a little leg left in there. Calvin and Sunny were screaming thinking Finn was gonna die. I was worried I was going to vomit. Bad.

Are you still reading? If so, kudos. You are brave and you have a strong stomach. If you do not have a strong stomach but are for some reason still reading, then Stop. Now. Because it gets worse (Gasp!)

So the other night I am in bed. You see where this is headed, don't you? It was late and I was having trouble sleeping. Every light was off. The only light to light up our house that night was my laptop. The one I was using. In my bed. I feel something on my side. I shake it off and use the laptop as light to see if I can find anything. Nothing there. So I go back to work. I see something out of the corner of my eye. That son of a bitch (sorry, mom) is climbing across a cute sleeping Ryan. I SCREAM. A cockroach! A cockroach! Ryan is startled awake not knowing what the heck is going on and I am screaming and now I am the one jumping up and sinking my claws into the ceiling hanging on for dear life. Ryan is half-asleep and searching. He scared the stupid roach, RIGHT UNDER MY BED. How the heck am I supposed to go back to sleep? I can't. I just can't. I continue to look. AND I FIND IT. Ryan throws a shoe and misses about 4 times (he is still a little groggy) and FINALLY gets it. As you can imagine it took a lot of time, and some sleeping pills for me to get ANY sleep that night.

I did a little research. Cockroaches, while they are indeed dirty little pieces of crap, you could have the cleanest house in the universe and you can still have cockroaches. Lest you think I live in horrible filth. I also have children who leave hidden trails of food for pests.

So are you totally grossed out? Were you able to stomach this whole post??? I only threw up a little in my mouth twice while writing it. Make that three times.

Sleep tight tonight, don't let the cockroaches bite....muwahahahahahaha.....